He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
