you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
