Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
