My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize