I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
