Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
