and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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