Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
honey bunches of taint.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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