Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
