I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
