After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We left an ass print on the piano.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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