Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
