We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
