meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize