a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
