I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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