Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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