How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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