ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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