I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
