the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
