I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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