In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
