his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
