If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
