Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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