I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
