I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
