so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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