Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
