you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
