your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize