The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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