I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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