hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
