Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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