One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
