I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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