If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
