good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We are all done wearing pants today
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
