is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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