it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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