I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
