I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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