You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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