I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
