he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
