Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
