How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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