I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
