i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you guys were way drunker than both of me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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