I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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