My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
