this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Im part way to drunk.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
