There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
