Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
