probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
