Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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