I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize