my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
