AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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