did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
