Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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