Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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