Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
