yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
