Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize