Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
